A Male Escort’s Perspective
Guest Blogger: Maxime Durocher, a male sex worker in Montreal, Canada
First, let me clear the air. Yes, not all is rosy in my domain, but the dark side is not intrinsic to prostitution, just as there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, only how people treat homosexuals. It’s a question of moral views. I can’t convince those who believe that prostitution is immoral to change their opinion, no more than I can convert a monogamist to open up her relationships to multiple partners.
Second, I love the term sex work and you’ll see me use it, but I also use the term prostitution. Mainly because the subject matter at hand is more easily and quickly understood, leaving nothing vague, and, I think, nothing to be ashamed of. Also, I strongly believe that if some sex workers, like me, do not try to reappropriate the word, it will keep on being stigmatized. I think it is an important process in order for society at large to get used to the notion of prostitution being just another type of work. It is, after all, the oldest profession in the world.
Third, I’m not going to talk about coercion or trafficking (here’s a TED talk on the subject: Human trafficking is all around you, this is how it works) which has nothing to do with sex work. Neither will I speak about minors (on the subject, read this article: Everything You Think You Know About Child Sex Trafficking is Wrong). I’m going to talk about consenting adults who offer sexual services to other consenting adults. Nothing else.
So what are the benefits of prostitution to society?
What about more stable relationships?
Many of our clients come to see us saying (in my case, sometimes even in tears as they explain) that they love their partner and they want to stay with them, but that they are missing something that needs to be addressed. That they can’t continue living as they do. It’s either seeing us, having an affair, or breaking up.
They might need more tenderness, understanding, somebody to talk to, some sex, more sex, certain sexual acts, or simply diversity, novelty, something new. Whatever they need, there are only two solutions: getting it or leaving their partner. So, we rarely break up relationships. We are, most of the time, the glue that keeps them together.
Whatever they need, there are only two solutions: getting it; or leaving their partner. So we rarely break up relationships; most of the time we are the glue that keeps them together. If a relationship does break up, it’s usually because the other party has found out and has not stopped to take a good hard look at the alternatives. Would they prefer a breakup? Their partner having an affair and risking them falling in love with somebody else? Or do what they refused to do before, and open the door for trying new, and possibly confronting things, such as anal sex or having an open relationship?
I believe we are the better solution, and we’re unintrusive. In the vast majority of cases, our client’s partner has no idea we’re around, because we only require financial compensation. We don’t want love, attention or time. If you need more convincing in that regard, read this great article: A Letter from a Sex Worker to a Wife About Her Cheating Husband.
From time to time we help someone get out of a broken relationship by giving them the attention and affection they need, but we don’t give counsel. It helps our clients rebuild their self-confidence and once again to see what they really want in life. These situations are rare and in any case the breakup is inevitable.
Often what we are is a last ditch effort. Contrary to an affair, we just don’t spring up out of a void. It’s a conscious effort to patch things up and, because of the stigma attached to our profession or to being a client, it’s the very last option they will try. Sometimes, it’s too late. The gap created between the partners from the moment the problem began rearing its ugly head and the moment they come to visit us can be too wide to bridge. The breakup may still be inevitable, but we usually still give the relationship a breather, leading to more happiness for all those involved for a little while longer.
Most of the time, it will breathe real life into the relationship. Frequently, it will add years; happy years, for the most part, because once the problem disappears, the weight is lifted, the pressure and stress is off, and the smiles just come back naturally. Of course, there may be deeper problems in the relationship, things a sex worker can’t help with. There’s also the weight of the stigma associated with visiting a prostitute that might not help, and brings with it a different kind of stress.
It’s not perfect. Nothing is perfect in life, but we do help many relationships.
What about the freedom of being yourself?
Do you feel like sometimes you’re playing a role? That you have to be strong all the time, taking the weight of the world on your shoulders? Do you have to be in charge all the time, making every decision however minor? Are you being bossed around and have no outlets? Would you like to be more of an animal in bed? More submissive? Are there things you do not talk about for fear of being judged or even rejected? Things you’d like to do differently, but your partner doesn’t want to or doesn’t like to? Do you fear even just talking about those things?
With us you can be yourself. We do not judge. We are paid to be there for you. If there is something we can do or not do for you, and it is within our personal limits, we will.
Many of our clients feel enormous relief when they come to see us. They can drop the act or the ever-present mask and laugh, be themselves, and simply ask for what they want. Sometimes, it’s just a little thing: they want us to order for them; they don’t want to make any decisions. At other times it’s more involved: they want to get savaged or strapped; they want to have forced sex but in a safe environment; they’d like to try same sex partners in secret, avoiding judgment and potential rejection.
We offer intimacy and freedom. There are many reasons for people to seek us out when they need to be themselves with somebody neutral without any expectation and who won’t judge them.
What about finding an alternative to the standard lifestyle?
For many, life with a partner, a white picket fence, two cars and a dog is just not what they want. To some finding a date is a pain in the ass, or they might just need a break from it. Some might prefer a busy career life and just have no time to pencil in a partner in their agenda, much less find one. Some might be divorced with children and don’t want the hassle of trying to find a good fit for themselves and their children. Some people might be traveling a lot with very little time in any given city.
Whatever the lifestyle, we can accommodate you. With us, you don’t need to restrain yourself to a path dictated by society. With us, you can live your life as you wish.
What about accepting those who do not find acceptance anywhere else?
Let’s not forget those who are handicapped. Some might find a partner, but not all of them do. What about those that do not have the social skills required to make a connection? What about those who have trouble finding someone who deems them attractive enough physically or mentally?
Here’s a nice TED talk to understand our point of view a little better: Open Your Mind to What Goes on Behind Closed Doors.
What about learning about sex (again)?
Some people fear their first experience, or would like it to be perfect. They might not want to be judged negatively, their skill found lacking. They might feel the need to take charge and not leave it to chance. They might want to get it over with and move on, free to select whoever they wish as a partner without pressure.
Virgins aren’t the only one who fit this category. Some people who haven’t had sex in a while want to get back in the game but within a controlled environment. Some want to learn something new, but with a professional or want to get better without jeopardizing a relationship. It might be as simple as kissing or spanking. It might be touchier, like fisting or domination.
Whatever you want to learn or relearn, with the right professional it’s much easier. That’s true for any domain, why should sex be different?
Why would any of these people in these common situations not have the right to find what they are looking for? What if they finally did it by consulting with a professional? When it comes to intimacy, we are the solution to many of life’s problems. We are the keeper of secrets; your ultimate confidant; we are the invisible glue of modern society.
About Maxime Durocher
Maxime Durocher, straight male escort, had a successful ten-year career in IT business, before radically changing field. Maxime has now been working in the sex industry since 2011 and has been a public advocate for sex worker rights since 2013. He lives in Montreal, Canada, but he is a world traveler and does so whenever he has the opportunity.